On Education

Education is understanding the world around you and how best to live in it.

You are born into the world and must figure out the rules.

There are two levels:

accomodation - leave the world as is and learn strategies that play by the rules

change - change the world. learn it's fundamentals and undo assumptions.

On Shyness

Shyness is a cycle.

You are not very articulate so that makes you not want to speak as much.

Not speaking as much dulls your speaking abilities, which makes you less confident.

Cyrano de Bergerac in Saybrook

First, can I say that I love Cyrano de Bergerac. From when I first read the book in high school, I remember, really liking it... well, parts of it. Which is funny, because I had the same feeling when watching the live performance of it tonight in Saybrook College's courtyard at Yale.

I think it's the nature of theater to have delays and stretch out scenes - for dramatic suspense, to meet some arbitrary (economic maybe) expected time range, who knows? Perhaps I'm delaying now... It may be the nature of any written work, then.

Anyways, there were definitely scenes that lost my attention or my ability to follow or both. Given that the play lasted about 2 hours, these scenes could have been cut out.

What I loved about the play was preserved, however:

1. The poetry. I'm not going to pretend to know much about poetic meter and rhythm. But those couplets, especially the ones started by one character and finished by another, added great harmony to the play.

2. The crossed lovers: Roxane and Cyrano.

As if the cousin thing wasn't already a bit weird, the role of Cyrano was played by a girl in this rendition. My roommate did not like it. I did not like it at first. Especially because Christian was played by a guy who probably can be an Armani model if he doesn't feel like going to Yale anymore and I really couldn't imagine Roxane loving Cyrano over Christian in the end.

But I suppose that is the power of acting. The girl who played Cyrano de Bergerac did justice to the nose speech and every other great speech in the play (I LOVED the nose speech - Cyrano's list of alternative insults in every genre as a comeback to a rival's lame attack on his nose: "Your nose is large"). Here it is below:

Throughout the play, the actress's performance conveyed these aspects of Cyrano's noble character:

His violent threats against those who pretend to entertain.

His suave moves on a lowly server girl just to make her day.

His great pride blown by his self-image and unrequited love for a beautiful girl.

His desire to make her happy, even if another man gets to have her.

His ability to express his feelings because he genuinely and deeply feels them.

His satisfaction with being emotionally intimate with Roxane, not physically intimate.

His magnanimity in acknowledging the worthiness of a rival.

By the death scene, you forget Cyrano is played by a girl. Instead, all you see is a great poet and human being. I discovered, sitting there as Cyrano made his 10-minute dying speech and Roxane cries, "I loved one man all my life and lost him twice!" that we should all aspire to have a Cyrano-like death. I don't mean we should all want a piece of wood to fall on our heads after surviving several duels and a war. I mean we should sorta want people to feel immense regret and reverence at our deathbeds. How can we do this? Well, the answer is right under our noses: live life in a way that your inner beauty trumps even the most exquisite outer beauty.

On Shopping

Yale's shopping period has ended, alas, and I have learned some important lessons that I think other students could find useful.

First, what's the point?

Shopping period is a way to preview classes without committing to them, sitting in on the first couple classes to see what they're like in practice. But more importantly, it's a way to try out different schedules to see what times, what classes are best for you. Hence, the two week period. But it's quite distorting in that the first two weeks coincide with the start of everything else - extracurriculars, jobs, etc. It's hard to know what you'd really prefer for the rest of the semester. But that's just it. If you think about it like that, you will have a very bad shopping experience. I did. And that's why.

First, you can never know.

No religious undertones intended, but some things are out of our hands. The question is, when to know when something is out of your control. As Yalies, we are used to believing that many things people shrug off (unfair grading) can, in fact, be changed if we take things into our own hands (argue with the teacher). So it's no wonder that we try so hard to figure out our destinies.

After all, it is this active attitude that has gotten us where we are, this refusal to accept what we are dealt.

Second, nothing is wholly bad or worst or wholly good or best.

There are pros and cons to taking every class and you will go crazy if you try to figure them all out and calculate them at this point. Now we've always been told that preparation, looking ahead, will yield the best results. Sometimes looking ahead too much will just make you dizzy and ultimately really unsatisfied.

Saying good-bye to the kids

Today I said goodbye to my kids. That is, my dad, my uncles, and my aunt. I stuck some last-minute items into their carry-on bags and gave them hugs goodbye before their departure to Vietnam for a week. It's weird, I really felt like a parent watching my kids go, making sure they had everything they needed. What's weirder - I liked that feeling. I think I am inherently very maternal. I hope my dad eats the cashews and Cheerios I gave him for his cholesterol and forgoes his plan to order the apparently free beer they have available on the plane. I hope my uncle Stu takes the Tylenol I gave him when his undone (ew) stomach stable starts bothering him. And I hope my aunt keeps warm with the blanket I stuffed into her bag.

Insert Love in the Time of Cholera quote about marriage here.

For AASA Blog:
Preparing for sophomore year

Keep Going

People always say "don't be too hard on yourself", but I think the danger is being too easy on yourself. People shouldn't be so quick to forgive themselves.

I am not some self-punishing masochist. What I mean is that a lot of times we let things go. Frankly, we BS stuff, we half-ass stuff, and we tell ourselves it's ok. Who cares. Whatever. The cost is small.

The real cost is that you have not done your best. You have not used all the energy, all the brainpower, all the time you have available to you. For example, at work, when I start to feel a little bit tired, I let myself work at a leisurely pace. Or when I see a small stain on a customer's clothes (I work in the dry cleaning business), I bag it anyways. And maybe the customer will see, maybe he won't. But you can't know. So why not be thorough with all the orders?

The same philosophy applies to dieting. Eating that one cookie after dinner really is not going to harm you. But if you lose that battle, if you let that go, then you are likely to cut yourself slack in other areas of your diet. Pretty soon you've visibly gained weight. So you decide to work out. But when working out, you also cut yourself slack. Just as your legs get a little tired, you feel a little thirsty, you stop. You forgive yourself. You tell yourself that really, you've done your best. But the weight still sits there, there's still energy left, to do one more lap, well, actually three. But you don't know that because you've always stopped well below your limit.

Now the question is:

When should you push yourself to your limits?
If the larger purpose of performing to the best of your ability is to increase the quality of your life, to make yourself a more efficient, stronger person later on, don't make yourself too miserable. Don't sacrifice the quality of your life now too much, in order to save for the future, when it is, as we all know, never certain. The present, however, is certain.
But we often use this argument falsely, in order to forgive ourselves and make excuses. The challenge is when to know when you are "being too hard on yourself." Also, where do you push yourself? If, for example, I hate public speaking, should I make myself do it? Sometime we have to pick and choose where to put all our energies. If you divide yourself amongst too many, you end up doing nothing to the best of your abilities. But that's a different issue altogether: trusting other people, trusting that the areas that you cannot fill
In general, you often pay for not doing the best you can on each thing you do then not.

The other question is time. There is no such thing as extra time or extra money.
Laziness saves you time now, then costs time later, when you have to fix it.
The caveat is sometimes BSing things cuts time down that you could use to do something else worthwhile.
As for money, my sister recently made the point that she need not exert herself too much to find work because the money she currently makes fulfills her current expenses. Of course, if she made additional money, she wouldn't have to take out as large a loan for college; she could invest it and make more interest; she could give it to charity. If she used all she had to make the maximum money she could, she might end up regretting it. But more likely, she would regret NOT doing so.

-----

When I went down to Chico to visit my aunt and uncle, I was surprised to learn that my limit was much much more than I have ever used or thought I had.

First, when I went to work at their dry cleaners. I believed that I was a thorough, efficient person. Oh no. They do not stop over there. At first I thought that that was too much. It was inhumane and unhealthy. Actually, forcing yourself to pay even more attention to the little details, to not let even a single minute go to waste, to always be moving, was extremely healthy. I found the work more rewarding, less monotonous than usual when I could immerse myself in the nuances of the job. And when I had finished the tasks I was assigned, I looked for more to do. And there was ALWAYS more to do. Again, no such thing as extra time. By the time I finished the day (working from 7am to 6:30 pm!! Stopping only for a short lunch break, and work through those occasional nags of hunger that I used to indulge immediately, but realizing that my body had plenty of energy and didn't need that much refueling), I was truly exhausted. I slept better, ate better than I ever had before. I think everyone should go to their dry cleaners and learn that valuable lesson.

Write Night Story

In Search of Mr. Darcy

Summary: Beth, an ASE student, spots Colin Firth and embarks on a quest to find him. She has encounters with many people along the way (including ASE staff) and her relationship with Will builds. There’s also the storyline with Chuck and Janie getting together, Will inadvertently thwarting them, etc.

----------------

It is a truth universally acknowledged that celebrity sightings are not uncommon in Bath. Ok, maybe it’s just locally acknowledged.

One morning, two American students in the Advanced Studies in England program were walking along Milsom Street when one of the girls, Beth, exclaimed, “Upon my word! I think I just saw Colin Firth!” (in a British accent)

She had glimpsed a distinctively curly head of black hair, unmistakably belonging to the Pride & Prejudice heartthrob.

“Um, why are you talking like that?” said her roommate, a gentle, pretty girl named Janie.

“Oh, sorry I’ve been reading so much Jane Austen I guess I just picked up the language. Come on! We have to follow him!”

The girls wove through the crowd, Beth desperately tracking the head of black hair. Mr. Firth disappeared around the corner, though, and just then one of the hordes of camera-wielding tourists placed themselves right in front of them. By the time they made it past, not without difficulty, Mr. Firth was gone.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe we just missed him! Stupid tourists.”

They headed back to Nelson House for their Jane Austen class.

As they descended the hill, they ran into two other ASE students, Will and Chuck. Will, a senior, was always serious and carried an air of superiority. Chuck, who had been acquainted with Will before the program, was a junior, and he was much friendlier than Will.

“Hey what’s up?” said Chuck smiling. He had that I’m-a-rich-boy-but-I’m-nice look about him. “How’s the weather treating you, Janie? I noticed you were a little cold the other day.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” said Janie, shyly. “Thanks, though.”

“So, I see no shopping bags. What else could you possibly be doing up so early?” asked Will.

“For your information,” Beth replied, “we planned to get some work done before class and happened upon a very interesting sighting. And shopping is not the only reason to leave for class early. That’s more than I can say for you, though. If I recall correctly, you were late for class last week.”

Will conveniently ignored the truth of the accusation. He had been up late the night before looking up Real Estate around the area. He had a peculiar penchant for old property and dreamed of one day owning some grand Regency estate.

“Come on, Chuck, let’s go,” said Will, coolly, though inside he was taken aback by Beth’s boldness.

“God, what a snob,” said Beth after they left.

“Yeah, but his friend is nice,” Janie sighed.

Beth looked over at her friend and smiled. “Oh, he likes you.”

“You think so?”

As they headed toward Nelson House, they ran into another ASE student named George. George was an Adonis – tall, dark, and muscular. Unfortunately what he had in the appearances department he lacked in the cognitive department.

“Hey there Beth. Lookin’ good.”

“Um, hey George. Ready for class?”

“Yeah. I mean don’t I look it? My hair’s not messed up, is it?” he said, looking at his reflection in the window.

“No you’re fine.”

“Thanks. I get that a lot.”

Beth gave him a smirk but couldn’t help feeling pleased by his attentions. She and Janie usually hung out with him and his friends outside of class.

Just then, Dr. Fallon arrived to take them over to Linley House for class.

Today’s class discussion was on Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice. Dr. Fallon, an Austen scholar and Oxford University professor, asked, “What do you believe Jane Austen’s message was, based on your analysis of the text?”

Will spoke up first. “Well, though the book is called Pride & Prejudice, I think the fault of prejudice is much more severe than the fault of pride. In the book, Elizabeth jumps to conclusions based on nothing more than her own injured pride and Mr. Wickham’s testimonies. You can’t blame Mr. Darcy for not wanting to associate with people like the Bennets. So I think Jane Austen’s message is that one should be aware of one’s station in life and form one’s judgments based on how a reasonable person of high rank would naturally react to someone of lower rank.”

Beth had never heard of anything so off the mark and ridiculous. She replied indignantly, “I think, based on the text, that Jane Austen’s message was different. Far from advocating more attention and deference to rank, I believe Austen meant to show how prideful regard for rank and one’s own self-perception, errors committed by both Darcy and Elizabeth, could result in painful misunderstandings. Only when pride and prejudice on each side were recognized and remedied could Darcy and Elizabeth come to understand themselves and each other.”

Will was silent. He was once again surprised and intrigued by Beth’s intelligence and conviction.

“I agree with what she said,” piped in George.

Dr. Fallon just stared at George. It was days like this that he especially wished he could be at the Jane Austen Fashion museum, with that safe snuggly corset on, sitting in the assembling rooms, imagining himself back in the 18^th century, where nobody said idiotic things like “I agree with what she said” when asked to perform a literary analysis.

The discussion continued, though much less heated than it had begun.

After class, Will approached Beth and asked her if she would like to get lunch with him. He offered to buy her a cup of coffee, sure that she could not refuse. “I think you’re one of the smartest girls here. I’d like to continue discussing Pride & Prejudice with you.”

Beth, after recovering from the shock of such a request, snapped, “I actually have something to do during lunch today, besides indulge conceited sexists like you.” She turned around and walked away, leaving Will mortified.

She had not lied about having something to do. She hadn’t forgotten the near-encounter with Colin Firth this morning, and was determined to track him down. She planned to ask the ASE staff members for help. First, she went to Jonathan’s office.

She explained to him how she had seen Colin Firth on Milsom Street this morning and asked him if he could help her find him. “I know this isn’t about academics but you said we could talk to you about anything, didn’t you?”

“Well not everything. I mean, what you’re proposing is preposterous and silly. Colin Firth is most definitely not in Bath.”

He got up and opened the door, ushering her out. He moved with the agility of a man who could hold the downward dog position for a long time.

As Lindsay’s office was just across from Jonathan’s, so close that he could see her from his desk if he wanted to, Beth thought she might have more luck asking Lindsay about Mr. Firth.

“Oh, don’t look at me. I just arrange the social outings for you guys” said Lindsay, turning over a picture frame of her with red face paint holding a beer standing on a table in a pub.

Beth sighed, and tried asking the women in the office downstairs.

When Su heard Beth’s dilemma, she said, “I can’t believe you think we would help you with such a thing like that! I mean just because we take you on day trips and give you food and transportation, send people to clean your houses, and in general are there for whatever you need whenever you need it, you have no reason to expect us to help you go around chasing movie stars!”

Barbara was also there, and she exclaimed, “Silly girl! What a disgrace!”

Normally, Beth would be more annoyed at Barbara. But for a woman who had to climb 5 stories to her office everyday, where very few people ever came to visit her, and who had to climb steep hills to get home, Barbara was surprisingly pleasant.

Claire turned around in her chair and nodded in agreement.

Beth left the office in disappointment. On the way out, she spotted Janie.

“No luck. They won’t help me at all,” sighed Beth.

Janie tried to console her friend and appear sympathetic but she just couldn’t hide her excitement. “Chuck just asked me out for dinner tonight. We’re going to The Eastern Eye.”

“Oh my God! I’m so happy for you!” Beth exclaimed. She couldn’t think of two people better suited for each other, and was glad that Chuck had taken the initiative to ask Janie out.

“Pssst!” a sound from behind her.

She turned around. It was Claire.

She walked over, surprised.

“Don’t tell anybody, but I can help you find Colin.”

“Really? How?”

She looked around furtively. “Okay well I’ve been tracking the latest sightings of him.”

“Wow! I can’t believe it!”

“What else do you think I’m doing in the office all day? You think that map on my wall is just to help students find places? And that Xerox machine – very useful for copying pamphlets for weekly Firth Fanclub meetings. Anyways, he was last spotted at the Halycon Hotel.”

“Thanks so much Claire!” said Beth excitedly.

She rushed out the door and headed toward the Halycon.

On the way there, she bumped into Andrew Butterworth.

“Oh hello! Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Oh hi Mr. Butterworth. I’m going to the Halycon… to look for someone there.”

“Well, I don’t know anything about that, but DID YOU KNOW that the rooms of the Halycon used to be a sewer system for the TOILETS in Bath? It was built in the 18^th century and was removed and renovated 50 years later into a hotel. But can you imagine a place like the Halycon used to have crap in its basement?“

Beth could not say that she had ever imagined such a thing. She smiled politely and excused herself.

Finally, she arrived at the destination only to find a security guard blocking the entrance to the lobby.

“Excuse me, may I come in? I’m a student at ASE and I’m studying, um, Bath architecture.”

The guard sneered, “Who do you think I am? Robert Green? I don’t just let anything in.”

He would not budge, and she was forced to give up the lead and go back to Nelson House.

She trudged back home, miserable. What had begun an exciting day had quickly taken a turn for the worse. She had just missed a dreamy movie star, was asked out by a presumptuous and arrogant boy, ridiculed by the ASE staff, and had reached a dead end in her search for said movie star.

That night, as she was ruminating on her bad luck, Janie, back from her date, entered the room in tears.

“He stood me up. I waited for hours, and he didn’t show up.”

Beth immediately got up to hug and console her friend. “Men. They can’t all be as charming as Colin. No wonder he’s so hard to find.”

The next morning, Beth overheard Chuck talking to George in the hallway.

“Yeah, I was going to go out with Janie last night, but then Will told me she didn’t really like me.”

“Oh man, bummer. I mean, I can’t really relate because no girl I’ve liked has not liked me back. Speaking of girls I like…” George said, spotting Janie.

“Hey Beth, want to get some ice cream after class?”

“Oh yeah, sure,” she said, too stunned by what she had overheard to really know what she was agreeing to.

“Sweet! Get it? Sweet? Cause we were talking about ice cream?”

“Ha ha, ok I gotta go,” said Janie.

She saw Will come in.

“How dare you?” she said, glaring at him.

“What do you mean?” he said, confused.

“Telling Chuck Janie didn’t like him! She was crushed when he didn’t show up! God, you’re such a jerk. You don’t care about anyone but yourself and just can’t stand to see other people happy, even your friends.”

“That’s not true – “

But Beth was too angry to listen anymore and she stomped away.

She was still fuming over Will’s meddling as she walked home after class. She tried doing the reading for that night, but couldn’t concentrate so she decided to write an email home.

A message in her inbox caught her eye. It was titled “ASE Slut”

Bewildered, she opened the email and saw her name. It read:

Beth Benedict is a snob of a slut, who makes dates with guys only to not show. LET THIS BE A WARNING TO ALL GUYS. Stay clear of Beth Benedict. She’s not worth it.

The email was anonymous but she knew it was sent from the ASE server. It had to be one of the students here, and based on the fact that “snob,” “slut” and “it” were misspelled and her sudden recollection of being asked by George for ice cream after class and it completely slipping her mind, made the color rise to her cheeks. She slammed her computer shut, agitated and humiliated.

The next day at school, everyone was talking about the email. The girls were whispering and pointing. The guys were giving her looks and snickering. She walked with her head down. Only Janie stood by her side. Misery loves company.

During Jane Austen class, Beth did not speak at all. To make matters worse, George’s comments in discussion were maddeningly profound.

After the lunch break, something happened. People were suddenly talking to her again and guys were looking at her apologetically.

“What’s going on?” asked Beth.

“A reply-email to the ASE Slut one was sent out.”

Beth rushed to the computers and saw another email sent from the ASE servers titled, “Original Thoughts”

She saw the words: Sound familiar?

Below were screenshots from Sparknotes.com with text highlighted. These sentences happened to be George’s deep insights from today’s class, word for word.

There was another photo of George copying these sentences and pasting them into a word document.

At the end was: “Can you blame Beth Benedict?”

Within hours of the email having been sent, the tide had turned against George. He was now ridiculed and avoided, Beth’s reputation restored.

Beth was in a turbelence of emotion. In the course of a day she had gone from being ostracized to redeemed. Who did she have to thank for it?

After a bit of sleuthing, she discovered that the photos in the "Original Thoughts" email had been uploaded to Facebook. She was able to trace the photos back to... Will's account! The link led straight to his photo album, and a photo of Will - smiling, looking really cute, with his arms protectively around a little girl - caught her eye. She browsed through his photos, all showing him not cold or pompous as she had made him out to be, but loving and loved.

When she got to his profile page, she couldn't resist looking at his interests and hobbies. All of them matched hers! He even had the same quote from Shakespeare.

How wrong she had been about Will! How blind! How ungrateful was her behavior toward him! How horribly ---------"

"Hey, are you okay?" someone came up to her, looking concerned. "You were just staring at the computer with your mouth open... I thought you were going to pass out. You weren't moving. At all. Like, the screensaver came up 5 minutes ago."

After class, Will caught up to Beth.

“Listen I’m sorry about Chuck and Janie. I never would have interfered if I thought she liked him. I just wanted to protect him.”

“It’s ok, I should be the one apologizing and thanking you for what you did. I said some awful things to you that you didn’t deserve. I… misjudged you,” she said, smiling a little.

Suddenly she spotted that unmistakable head of hair and cute dimpled smile! “Colin! Colin!” she ran after him, determined not to let him get away this time.

“Where are you going?” said Will, running after her.

They chased Mr. Firth through the streets of Bath, all the way to ----- [the name of this place has been omitted], right in front of Sydney Gardens.

But he had stepped onto a bus and gotten away. Again.

Janie sat down on a bench in frustration. “God! Lost him again!”

“Why are you so bent on finding Colin Firth?”

“Because, he represents all that I’d ever want in a man. He’s noble, generous, and handsome. I just have to meet him!”

“Well, maybe your Mr. Darcy is right in front of you.”

“Where?” Beth said frantically looking around

“I mean me. Beth, you’ve captured me, body, mind, and soul.”

“Really?”

“Well, no. I mean, I’ve only known you for two weeks” he shrugged. “but I’d like to take you out sometime.” “Ice cream maybe. I hear they lost some business recently” he joked.

“Yeah, too soon.”

“I thought so.”

“Wait, so what changed your mind about me?”

“Well, I’m not going to lie. At first, I thought you were a superficial airhead. But that day in class when we were discussing Pride & Prejudice I began to see that I was wrong. Then George humiliated you with that email. I knew it was him because “it” was misspelled. The anger I felt even though I wasn’t drunk or grumpy from staying up all night doing the loads of work for our classes (ahem) when I saw the email made me realize how smart and totally hot you are. [edit: that I had feelings for you]”

Filled with all the pleasures such a confession would bestow, Beth and Will walked out of Sydney Gardens arm in arm, passing by a woman sitting on a bench. She was decked in 18^th century dress and bonnet, writing on what looked like really old parchment paper. As they passed she looked up from her manuscript and smiled.

What became of our young lovers? Well, sadly, Beth and Will’s relationship could not stand the test of long distance. But while it lasted, both were extremely satisfied and happy. Beth even finally got to meet Colin Firth. Well, sort of. She and Will were at a café’ on one of their dates when a mob of people gathered around the entrance, flashes of cameras, and shouts of “Colin, liberal literary adaptations are sexy!“ and “You can interpret my text loosely any day” alerted them to the fact that they were indeed within feet of Colin Firth. Though Beth never actually saw him, it was all Will could do to keep her from screaming and plunging into the mob.

Will eventually went on to fulfill his dream of owning a vast, Regency estate, which he named Pimpberley.

The listener may be satisfied to know that Janie and Chuck stayed together long after the program ended, and eventually went on to get engaged after graduating college.

------

I was thinking if the whole house wants to participate, we can have each person be a character, with two people being the staff members and the security guard.

Also, any suggestions for a better ending??

Week Four... Um it's Wednesday.

Jealousy of others, feeling of competition - but I should be glad that there are so many capable people in this world...

The Leeds Animation Workshop sounds awesome. It is discussed in Chapter 10 of Fires were Started. I want to see some of the films, like Hairdresser? I Mean Astrosphicist, Alice in Wasteland, Who Needs Nurseries? We Do!

Today in Jane Austen we talked about Persuasion, how it is more elegiac, dark, and unforgiving than Jane Austen's other novels. The heroine is now past her bloom, mature; her love interest doesn't show his feelings and is in a precarious economic situation when he proposes to her, thus forcing her to reject him. The book focuses on the past a lot, and her regret and longing for her lost love. The ending also talks about keeping faith and being loyal even when love is lost.

England Week 4!!

I went to St. Mary's Church, which was very close to our house, at 10:30 am. The mass was very pleasant. The priest was Italian and his homily was a bit rambling, but charming in that Italian way. He was especially good with the group of children who came out after the homily from their separate activity. They had made a poster of a group of people walking on a path "Following Jesus" with signs that point to Christian duties like "Holy Communion" and "Reconciliation."

Anyways, the priest asks the very bright, eager, and articulate group of kids what they like about being followers of Jesus. One little boy says, "We get presents at Christmas" another says "I like eating the bread at Holy Communion." Kids. They say the darndest things.

Right after church, I went to the Co-op convenience store and bought a bag of flour. I was going to make cookies but later found out there wasn't enough butter. Will have to go buy some tomorrow, along with spinach, tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, and meatballs.

Then I went to watch the England vs. Ghana game at a pub, the Pig & Fiddle. It was exciting when England scored two successive goals after Germany scored twice, although one of England's goals didn't count. From there, it went downhill and England lost 1-4 to Germany. We left in disappointment and too early to see the only group of Germans in the pub probably get beat up by all the Brits there.

Afterwards, I read Persuasion outside in the garden, where it was nice and cool. This novel is different from Austen's other novels. It feels like a sequel, in that we see what life after the "happily ever after" (in this case, the would-be happily ever after if the heroine wasn't just so darn persuadable) is like. We see Captain Wentworth's sweetness and his nice friends, that Anne can't have because she rejected him... The storyline also seems different, more dramatic and closer to modern stories (like when Louisa has a freak accident). But I like the book. Just finished Volume 1.

After that, I chatted with my housemates, in the little hallway outside the bathroom, much to the amusement of everyone who passed through. I promised them pancakes tomorrow, and I can't back out now.

I started working on my Write Night piece, getting really into the story, and neglecting all my wonderful plans to finish film reading and make some more headway with my Jane Austen paper on Cluelessness. Oh well, priorities. It's not choosing between right and wrong, it's choosing between two appealing things. Not my words. The Italian priest's.

London Class Trip

Day 1

The bus broke down so instead of leaving at 8:15 we left at 9:15. I read Emma while waiting. When we got to London, we basically took a stroll around South Bank, which has the London Eye, Millenium Bridge, National Theatre, and National Film Institute.

The hostel was not as nice as the one in St. Ives. All 12 girls were in one room, which had 4 triple bunk beds, stacked Jimanji-style. I actually kind of liked the rooms. The bathrooms were clean and there was a lot of room to store stuff. For dinner, I finally got to eat fish and chips. It was delicious.

Next was the "highlight" of the day, watching England Expects at the BFI. The film is about a divorced security guard who starts off kind of racist but it seems pretty moderate. He also cares a lot about his daughter and frequently criticizes her deadbeat mother for corrupting and neglecting her. Then we start seeing the cracks (no pun intended. The daughter smokes (?) crack and when the father discovers this, he reaches the breaking point) in his sanity - he stalks a woman at work, spying on her with the security cameras; he becomes more and more racist toward blacks and the Muslim community when his ex-wife and daughter are denied housing. He gets crazier still after discovering his daughter's drug abuse and friendship with a Muslim boy. He returns to a bar where he presumably used to partake in some sort of violence, and joins a Conservative Right-Wing (read: extremist) political party. He seeks revenge after he is fired for sexual abuse - first by beating up the woman's boyfriend, then shooting a crossbow (yes, that's right) at a Muslim woman, the sister of his daughter's friend. This incites a race riot that ends in a white boy accidentally stabbing him and the Muslim boy getting blamed and arrested for it. Phew, as you can tell, the movie was intense.

But even though the storyline, plot, and drama were over-the-top and not that spectacular, the movie definitely impacted me. As the only Asian in the group, I felt uncomfortable hearing the racist slurs and anger directed toward "Asians coming into [white people's] country." Even though I couldn't control my immigrating here, I felt like I was part of a group that had invaded another country and displaced whites. What's strange was that the movie made me feel that the protagonist, Ray, may have been justified in his racist anger, in the sense that Asian immigrants were displacing whites in jobs and housing; we were changing the identity of their nation. Not without reason, because we are escaping our oppressive countries. Or, in the movie, the Indians were just coming to the nation that imperialized theirs.

What the movie shows is that their is no fair answer to the problem. Both sides are right. Resentment ought to be expected from whites who are being displaced by people of another ethnicity. That Ray also attacks his co-worker's boyfriend, who is white, means that his anger comes from the fact that other people are taking what he believes is entitled to him. It is a

I guess the only solution is what Ray vehemently and crassly denies: "The races should not mix. It makes them impure." The races should mix. If immigration seems unfair (a whole exodus of people from another country coming in and crowding out the natives of another country, while the emigrant country receives no flood of immigrants) then the effect of it – the informing, fusion, of culture – justifies and explains its existence.

After that Amelia, Christina, Patricia, and I wandered around South Bank, getting photos of Parliament and Big Ben lit up at night. We were the only ones in our class to stay behind and find our own way back to the hostel. The rest of them played Kings, a surprisingly complex game for an activity that involves getting drunk.

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My progress: I am learning to sit and just talk; to have leisure every day, to engage in lighthearted and unnecessary conversation. I must now work on remembering more details and speaking more articulately

Day 2

We started off with a tour of Holland Park, Notting Hill, and Portobello Market. I tried my best to pay more attention than I usually do, and found myself enjoying all the little stories the tour guide told. Some of the factoids in the tour were useful (London is split into a business district and Westminster; there are three economic levels of neighborhoods all near each other) but most were not (Squirrels at Holland Park had become used to visitors feeding them so no longer hibernated). Yet remembering and saying these seemingly unimportant facts can enhance my intellect and broaden my world views.

June 24: Better late than never... Slowing the Flow of my time in England

I have just read one of the ASE students' blogs and her diligent detailing of all our trips as well as ordinary class days has made me realize that I must sit down and reflect on my days here as well. She just wrote exactly what happened, even the small things, and her thoughts about them as they happened. It seems like it is not worth documenting, but I know that I'll enjoy reading about it, reliving my first study abroad trip, later on. Plus, by actively detailing my day, I'll get practice with writing, which will surely benefit me.

I don't know what tone to write it in, I'm aware that I'm being strangely formal right now, but something about blogging makes you want to write that way.

Ok, here goes.

Today our Jane Austen class took the train from Bath Spa to Bristol Meads, where Dr. Fallon led a tour around the industrial city of Bristol. The theme of the talk was slavery and how it characterized the town and powered it economically. We looked at Queen's Square, where merchants and slaveowners used to live. We went to this beautiful, breathtaking dockland area, which apparently did not used to be that peaceful but was filled with the bustle and dirt of slave-transporting ships. We passed a cave that is now just full of litter. It is located next to a graffitied wall. I was commenting to Chelsea that Bristol seems to be somewhere between Bath and London because it has the Bath-like architecture but the London grime and bustle.

Let's see, before I consult the handout of Dr. Fallon's tour, what else I can remember. Oh yes, we went to a Cathedral (one of many, MANY churches/cathedrals we have visited in England) called St. Mary Redcliffe. It was massive and had the characteristic detailed stone etchings in them. The stone made it nice and cool to walk into after our long stroll in the hot weather.

Today in my British Cinema class we will watch A Room with a View. It apparently is very popular in our class and features Helena Bonham Carter and Daniel Day-Lewis (sigh). He was also in My Beautiful Laundrette, the movie I wrote my first mise-en-scene paper on.

After watching the movie, I realized how much more I enjoyed it because I could analyze it knowing what that it was a heritage film. From that, the director's purpose was clear and I could identify all the things that made it a heritage film, and specifically what made it a high-quality film. The scene I enjoyed most was when Daniel's character Cecil asks to kiss Helena's character Lucy. The kiss is so awkward, so literal: they press their faces together. then part. passionless and/or novice-ish. Reminds me of a similar experience... Contrast with Lucy and George's kiss(es) of true love.

Also, I have never liked Helena Bonham Carter because she is not conventionally pretty enough for the roles she plays. She also sort of waddle-scurries, IN EVERY MOVIE and speaks snappily. But... I have to admit she was damn good in this film, though she should stick with Tim Burton.

Now for my usual philosophical musings:
As I walked with my class, I couldn't help looking at the people around me, particularly their legs and arms. Before I go further, I want to say that I am not a creep. But the bodies of my classmates led me to a contrast between Americans and Brits: most people's bodies were imperfect, out of shape, you might say. But really the extra flab on our thighs and arms and waists, the not quite sculpted calves - all indicate how free we are. As Americans, we embrace imperfections, accept less-than-ideal bodies and eat what we like. We are happier for it, I think and there is something very beautiful about people our age, not to sound self-centered or anything.

People's bodies and physical appearances say a lot about them. And everyone is attractive in their own way, I find.

Another thing I noticed was that the older students have a neater, more defined sense of style. One guy was the typical punk rocker guy, with a rock star pin-covered light brown messenger bag and scrawny figure and headphones around his neck - yet, it seemed like his style was his own, because he consistently looked that way.

At the risk of sounding like an old lady, I like being around young people, especially such interesting intelligent ones, which I find England majors usually are. I came into this program wondering how I would mesh with the people around me, and found the same relationship I have with most groups I've been a part of - not quite belonging, finding myself alone and sometimes isolated. But I had a feeling that people who liked English as much as I did would have more in common with me and I would be able to connect with them more. And I was right. They are very adept with and appreciative of language, and deep, and most of them are bad at math.

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My personal progress: I'm changing. I am becoming bolder. I ask questions I would normally be hesitant to ask, like when I asked someone to repeat a scene I missed in a movie though it was somewhat disruptive. I've also learned to speak unnecessarily, to say things that I used to think were frivolous and as yet, are still unnatural for me to say (i.e., "How are you? How is your experience with the program?" and "I like when..." and cracking jokes, rather than just "Do you know when class ends?"). Now what I still need to work on is that well, almost jealous feeling I get when I see other people seem to understand what I presumed only I understood, or when their understanding enlightens and eclipses mine.

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PHOTOS!! Don't trust/can't figure out Facebook.

Big Ben and Me

Lion statue (one of many) in Bath near the Bath Abbey

Mural of a husband and wife's lover in Bristol

Beautiful Bristol docks

Bundle of Insights

The Richness of Detail

Live life with care and attention to detail

Knowledge is infinitely more valuable than the momentary pleasures afforded by procrastination.

What people highlight in readings give insight into their minds.

We always wish fast-paced classes would slow down but really if they were to be slowed we would miss out on learning as much as we can. Using time fully, if at times hectically, ensures the richest education.

Show then tell. Give people all the details first and then allow them (and guide them) to the conclusions, like Dr. Fallon does and Mike.
Ask them to look for things then guide them to the conclusion.
Once you have the detail you can come to the big picture, but it's impossible to do it the other way around.

Sad revelation: I've rushed through life and I've hardly enjoyed it.
--

My film class presentation was a lot like every other presentation I've given. Carefully planned out, with attention to key words and analysis. But there was no passion. I didn't really enjoy the movies I talked about, didn't relish in the details, so my analysis came of dry, boring, and too fast. I talked from notes, not from my heart. And that's always worked for me. Until now.

The best feeling I ever got after a presentation was the Creating for a Cause fictional charity project. I thought up the charity. Making keychains to raise money for daycare centers. I talked about having centers to make the keychains, selling them, distributing them, how to make them.

It reflects the way I think and talk, as well. I'm always in a hurry to bypass the details and little pleasures and get to the big picture, the correct words, the bare minimum. Then I get nervous and everything seems to be a jumble, or so contrived, pre-thought.

Updates on England. Part of Resolution to Preserve Moments

Sunday:

Went to mass at St. Patrick's church. Surprisingly similar to home although churchgoers' singing is definitely more robust. The sermon emphasized thinking about others, their happiness, first. I can easily see how that can be too extreme (mom comes to mind). A consideration for others but acting in ways that please you (example, writing a piece that you enjoy) instead of worrying how others will react might be the happy medium.

I spent a good chunk of the day, after going shopping, making chicken soup for the first time.

It was a learning experience for sure. Surprisingly the soup turned out fine, considering all the juice that probably evaporated when I left the stove on too high and putting too much noodles in...

Monday:

Lots of working, hyper-productivity, probably the result of under-productivity of past few days. Have a slight headache.

Jane Austen discussion on money & rank was interesting. I especially liked examining rank in forming relationships. Mr. & Mrs. Bennet marrying for love was hard to get my head around. The famous first line about the truth that is universally acknowledged - now I see it is a but an ironic representation of one narrow portion of the population - the silly, contriving mothers who wish that a single man in possession of a large fortune should be in want of a wife - their daughter. Also learned that French-sounding last names in England = aristocratic blood.

Learned today about time management. Work, work, work. Seize the day. Immerse fully in what you are doing. Also, don't procrastinate. Can I just say - EASIER SAID THAN DONE. But will try. Also, I am determined to begin a parody of Pride & Prejudice featuring some ASE staff members.

Trip to London - June 20, 2010

Alright this post will resemble more of the usual blog-type posts because a.) it's 2 am and they involve a lot less brainpower and b.) I was reminded today how important it is to just get the events of your day down and update diaries like blogs more often! So, without further ado, my first trip to London with 7 ASE Summer School students:

Our trip to London was jam-packed, crazy, chilling, and... just great. I enjoyed it immensely.

First we went to Abbey Road, the site of the famous Beatles album cover, and "replicated" the Beatles' poses. I was John Lennon because I was wearing white. Pictures on facebook. Nuff said.

Then we went to Platform 9 and 3/4 at King's Cross station, which was really located near Platform 8... Lots of fun. Pics are also available.

Next was the British Library, which houses really old manuscripts by famous writers/artists like Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Handel, Beethoven as well as other cool collections like Beatles lyrics on napkins and stamps (called the Philatelic Exhibition). My favorite part was looking at Jane Austen's parody of English history textbooks called The History of England.* That woman had a modern sense of humor, for sure. I used to get bored of looking at old artifacts (continuing a theme from yesterday) but now I'm... well, a little less bored. I at least read the descriptors and gaze in reverence for a few seconds before moving on with my life. That's progress.

Well, that's not even half the day.

Next we hit the Sherlock Holmes museum on Baker Street. Being very unfamiliar with Sherlock Holmes, I sat down to read some of the Holmes books in the museum's bookstore. I discovered that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote 56 Short Stories and 4 novels in the Sherlock Holmes series. At one point, he killed off Holmes so he wouldn't have to write anymore stories but the monetary incentive was too great so he brought him back from the dead in a book called Sherlock Holmes Returns or something like that. I read a few pages of The Hound of the Baskervilles and I think I got the basic gist of the books - Watson's an analytical type of guy whose contributions to solving cases is doing the dirty work so that Holmes can totally one-up him and make great leaps of deduction. Again 2am will probably edit the grammar of that sentence later.

I also hit the Beatles gift shop.

Next was... the British museum. Zoomed through that, but saw some mummies, Chinese ceramics, a textile made of medication pills, ancient coins from across the world.

The Tower of London. Didn't actually go in, but got beautiful pictures of the London Bridge (that's the one on the Thames that apparently looks like the Walt Disney castle, right?)

Last are the major tourist spots: Trafalgar Square, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey. Needless to say, we were EXHAUSTED. On top of that, most of us dressed for 60-70 degree weather that turned out to be stormy, rainy, and windy. Never have I been more happy to be in a warm, heated train station in my entire life.

The train ride home... good conversations. I really like my ASE friends and everything I'm learning from them. Overall, great experience. Ok done! That was my crazy day.

*Need to check the accuracy of that

Trials and Travels

Today I learned the true meaning of the word "necessary." Looking back, I realize that I am always preoccupied with spending my time in the most efficient and mechanically productive ways - no unnecessary waiting, dawdling, standing, and even speaking. But lots of valuable things can be described as unnecessary. People tell stories about old architecture, statues, and figures. We pay money to listen to them - hours can be devoted to listening to a tour guide talk while looking at artifacts and buildings that are often striking and beautiful but don't really do anything for us - we still have our schoolwork, our jobs, our obligations to go back to. People write down their feelings. In blogs for example. None of this is necessary. But really, is necessary all that related to visible outcomes? Shouldn't necessary mean doing things that further happiness, which sometimes means letting yourself stand and gaze at awesome artifacts without worrying about time or taking a picture of it to show your family...

On this trip I've also learned the value of a photograph. My camera's battery was dying during our visit to the Salisbury Cathedral, and I was forced to pick and choose which photos to take, and how many. I had to think about which sights I did not want to forget, which sights could be forgone or reproduced with the same relative visual enjoyment. If I was limited to a few photos, I had to make all of them count. I had to take each one at the angle and zoom and lighting that would make the picture beautiful and memorable, because it had to deserve to be taken.

You look like you just came back from Alaska

Macrocosm - Today's Headlines
Bomber kills at least 96 at Volleyball Game in Pakistan
When I first saw this headline I just thought "oh, another terrorist attack." But I don't want to be numb to tragedy or human suffering just because it happens a lot. I think only by reading about the details of each attack can general terrorism be reduced. In this case, the Pakistan village was vulnerable to attack because it had to use its own militias to defend against terrorists, making it an easier target.

World Ready for a Fresh Start in 2010
This article does a nice job of slowing the flow of 2009 by highlighting defining events:
1. Great Depression II - stock market crash, foreclosures, and unemployment. "2010 will be a year of renewal," says Sarkozy.
2. Obamania - Inauguration of US's first black president
3. Green movement - climate change escalates but so does environmental awareness
For pop culture highlights, I recommend watching The Soup on E! Let's hope we're asking Speidi who? and Jon & Kate who? by the end of this year.

Microcosm - My Head Lines
I have recently begun reading a book called How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I've only read the introduction and already I'm convinced that reading it is a good way to start the new year.

Here's a fabulous quote I found in the book, spoken by William James, a professor at Harvard (ew, I know):

Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.

Typical of a Harvard guy, huh? But I think what he says ties in nicely with the idea behind new year's resolutions: self-improvement. Self-improvement lies in getting closer to reaching your fullest potential, to using the most of your abilities - and not denying that you have limitations but doing everything until you've reached the limit.

So here are my New Year's resolutions, posted for the public to see because the embarrassment of failing to do what I said I would is strong motivation to keep myself on track. I've also found that writing out things you have to do helps you remember what you have to do (great example of obvious management tips that people still don't do).

1. Mind
Yeah, there's so much to do I think I'm gonna need subsections

• Catch up on classic literature, philosophy, and really anything that'll help me have informed, intelligent discussions and broaden my store of wise allusions to famous writers.
• Keep up with current events. Be able to competently explain controversial political issues like health care and... um, immigration? Yeah ok maybe step one is learn what the issues are. Hopefully, making myself blog about macrocosmic events will help me achieve this goal.
  
• Take note of what the students at Yale are doing. Pick up their good habits.
• Discover my intellectual abilities and use all that I have to the fullest.
  

2. Body
Ok years of minimal physical activity and careless eating are catching up to me. So I vow to be more careful of what I eat (I don't think I will ever resort to calorie counting. Resisting the ice cream in the dining halls and late night snacks will be hard enough) and to work out more. Hit the gym by getting up - gulp - in the morning before classes. And maybe take up a sport that's not shopping (for those who dare contest this, I would like to say that making good purchases requires agility, flexibility, and strategy).
And get more sleep!!

3. Spirit
In a surprisingly substantial issue of People magazine, I came across some great tips to achieve greater contentment.

• Unitask. Undo the years of doing everything efficiently and simultaneously. Slow down and take in the details of one thing at a time. Enjoy meals. Focus on texture and color and taste when I eat.
  
• Mix it up. Try something new. Break away from routine. Be bold. Take more risks.
  
• Get closer to friends and family. Rely on others from time to time.
  
• Relax and reflect. Express myself. Which brings me to the next topic...
  

Today I went to my first yoga class at a place called Dahn Yoga. Besides finding out that I have less endurance and flexibility than 50 and 60-year-olds, I also found out that I have a huge problem: I am incapable of truly relaxing, even during sleep.

The yoga instructor was performing an energy check-up on me and she basically figured out my deepest issues just from looking at the way I moved my body. This is what she told me:
1. I am too stressed out. My muscles are too tense and I can't clear my mind. I am burdened by suppressed feelings and nervous about revealing what I really think.
2. I have weak control of my body because I don't use it enough. As Mr. James might say, I'm only using a small part of my physical resources.

Wow. What a way to start out the new year. Naturally I was taken aback by the truth of what she said and when it did sink in how true her diagnosis was, I was crushed. All I could focus on was the "weak control" part. I think losing control is my biggest fear besides, apparently, expressing myself.

But perhaps what the new year is most about is optimism. It's the hope of improvement and progress. It's the idea that you have goals to work toward. That's definitely something to celebrate.